5 ways to rethink traditional career advice

Vanitha Sugumaran, AWS senior solutions architecture manager

The definitions of success and work-life balance are different for everyone, and this well-intentioned career growth advice downplays our ability to chart our own path, Sugumaran said.

“When my boys were playing competitive tennis, the weekend tournament schedule was brutal. I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough at work and I wasn’t doing enough at home,” she said. “It was a constant struggle that I was trying to juggle.”

Friends advised her to find a job with more work-life balance, so she stepped back to look at what she really wanted in a new role.

“I wanted to do meaningful work, with a great team, and have the flexibility to incorporate what my life needed,” she said.  

As she created her list, she realized her current role checked her highest-priority boxes. She decided to focus on owning her work-life balance in her current role.

“I began using the flexibility my role provided. At work, I made it clear to my team that I may be online at odd hours, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that they were expected to do the same,” she said. “I also adjusted expectations I had for myself, and set clear boundaries for what others should expect of me.”  

Nieilsen adds that work-life balance is something we have to take control of wherever we work, and what you need will depend on where you are in your career.

 “It’s not a black and white thing, where work is here and personal life is there and they don’t mix,” she said. “You can interweave these things to make it work for you.”  

Nielsen knows first-hand that this advice isn’t good for everyone. “I’m more quiet by nature. I like to listen to what people are saying, process, and reflect. I spoke Mandarin at home until I went to kindergarten where all the kids spoke English, so growing up there were language issues and confidence issues.”

While she learned to deal with those challenges over time, “I still prefer listening, then chiming in when I think I have something valuable to say," Nielsen said. "I don’t want to talk just to take up time.”

Sugumaran found this advice more useful because it helped her overcome her fears and be more herself.

“When I started my career, I was quiet as a mouse at work. I’d studied English, but I’d never spoken it with anyone at home," she said. "This prevented me from being vocal in a group setting because I was afraid of how I would come across.”

Her manager noticed that Sugumaran was vocal in their one-on-one meetings, so the manager pushed her to be more vocal and visible in meetings.

“This push helped me, because naturally, that’s who I am,” she said.

Both emphasize that there are many other ways to communicate and contribute if you’re uncomfortable talking in a group setting: pre-meetings, post-meetings, Slack, email, even a visit to someone’s desk. Your contribution may be an important factor, and sometimes, good ideas take time.  

Mary Nielsen, AWS senior solutions architecture manager

Sugumaran concedes that almost every working professional could benefit from a mentor, but she struggles with the formality of advice that you must find “a mentor.”

“For me, when I think about closing the gaps and growing my expertise, I had a hard time finding that in one person,” she said.

Sugumaran decided a better approach was to focus on people, not a specific mentoring program.

“Once I knew what I wanted in my career, I found several informal mentors,” she said. “I didn’t go through a formal program, though I’ve seen those work for many people.”

She emphasizes that there is no particular mentoring model to follow. Sometimes you meet someone who inspires you, and they may have one quality that you want to learn. She’s had some mentorships that go on for a few months, and some have lasted 15 years.

“Official mentoring programs can be kind of daunting,” Nielsen added, “so I also like the informal approach. I have informal mentors and I’m an informal mentor to others, and I find this approach has worked best for me and the people that I‘m mentoring.”

Instead of seeking out one mentor, Nielsen and Sugumaran recommend you figure out what you want to add to your skillset or life, and find people you can trust and build relationships with. When Sugumaran feels inspired, she takes action.

“I cold email people — I heard you here, this is what I’m working on, can I put some time on your schedule to talk with you?” she said.

Nielsen and Sugumaran note that this advice is more commonly given to women, an apparent nod to the belief that not apologizing makes you appear stronger. Both disagree.

“For me, authentic apologies are important,” Sugumaran said. “Especially when you’re building a team and providing a safe environment.”

But there is one trend in apologizing that Sugumaran would like to see end: compulsive apologies.

“My problem is when ‘sorry’ starts the sentence. That comes across as a lack of confidence,” she said. “We don’t need to apologize for many of the things we apologize for. But when an apology is deserved, make it authentic.”

Nielsen agrees that you don’t want to be someone who never apologizes.

“If you make a mistake, own up to it,” she said. “Take responsibility and apologize when it matters.”

People will give you a lot of reasons for staying in a position for 18 or even 24 months — a few common ones include to develop your skills, show your commitment, or to avoid the appearance of being a job-hopper.

“This advice may have worked well for them,” Sugumaran said, “but for me, when we take a role, we know what skillsets we want to gain in the role. This makes us the best judge of when we’re ready to move on. I don’t think there is a time boundary. Maybe it’s one year, maybe it’s three. It’s your call.”

Nielsen’s own career underscores her comfort with job mobility: “I’ve had three jobs in five years at AWS, and I love that ability to move around, meet new people, grow your network, and learn new skills. These are some of the things that make me stay.”

Nielsen and Sugumaran believe that if you find yourself in a role that just isn’t working for you, you should move on.

“If the role has no more to offer and you’ve hit a saturation point,” Neilson added, "it’s not doing you any good to stay in that role.”